Company For Supper

Two witches decide to make supper

1 - What shall we make for supper?

2 - I don't know. What would you like?

1 - I'm not sure. Why don't we add a few things and see how it tastes?

2 - Good idea - I'll get something for the pot (Brings in a person)

1 - (stirring pot and tasting) No it needs something else. I'll go get something else  (brings in another person)

2 - Tastes mixture. It still needs something added (continue till pot is full)

1 - Takes final taste and says"This is just what I wanted"

2 - What's that?

1 - Company for dinner.

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Dishwasher

CAST : husband, wife, dishwasher, repairman.

Wife  - Please fix the dishwasher. We've run out of dishes

Hubby  - Oh all right! Hand me the pipe wrench ( adlib more dialogues) OOPS!

Wife  - Now you've done it. I'd better call the repair man to put it back together   (Wife phones - more dialogue)

Repairman -  Well, that should do it My bill comes to $249.95. thank you (leaves)

Wife  - Now let's try it out and do up these dishes.

Hubby  - Look at that! It's leaking all over the floor! Pass me the box of Kleenex.

Wife  - Dummy, you'll never mop that up with a few Kleenex.

Hubby  - Who's going to mop it up? I'm going to cry!

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Don't Brush That On Me!

Psychiatrist's office. Patient is on bench. Doctor is sitting on a chair

Doctor: Let's see last week we were talking about your past.

Patient: Yes, I think we were.

Doctor: How much sleep do you get at night?

Patient: Oh, I can't complain. From six to nine hours

Doctor: Well that seems pretty normal. I am beginning to wonder what we are going to  find wrong with you. You seem just as sane as I am.

Patient: (horrified)But Doctor, it's this creepy crawly bug. I just can’t stand them! ( Leaps  from couch and brushes self wildly) They're all over me, they're all over me.

Doctor: (steps back) Well for goodness sake don't brush them onto me.

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If God Should Speak

Speaker # 2 should be some what removed from the group being spoken to, ideally, the speaker should be out of sight, preferably behind the group.

Our Father which art in heaven....

Yes?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

But you called me.

Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our Father which art in heaven..."

There. You did it again.

Did what?

Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven."Here I am, what's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.

All right, go on.

Hallowed be thy name...

Hold it. What did you mean by that?

It means...good grief. I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just part of the prayer. Well what does it mean?

It means, honoured, holy, wonderful.

Hey, that makes sense. I never thought what "Hallowed" meant before. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Do you really mean that?

Sure. Why not?

What are you doing about it?

Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there.

Have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church!

That isn't what I asked you. What about that habit of gossiping you have? And your bad temper? You've really got a problem there. Then there's the way you spend money...all on your self. And what about the kind of books you read?

Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the other phonies at church.

Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.

Oh. All right. I guess I do have some hangups, now that you mention it. I could probably name some others.

So could I

.I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of these things. I would like to,you know, be really free.

Good. Now we are getting somewhere. We'll work together, you and I. Some victories can really be won. I'm proud of you.

Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer that it usually does.

Give us this day our daily bread.

You need to cut out the bread. You eat too much as it is. ( or: - You're over weight as it is)

Hey! Just a minute!

What is this pick on me day? Here I was doing my religious duty and all of a sudden you break in remind me of all my hangups.

Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying, I'm interested in the next part of your prayer....(pause)...Well go on.

I'm scared to.

Scared of what?

I know what you'll say.

Try me and see.

Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

What about Linda?

See! I knew you would bring her up. Why, Lord, she told lies about me, cheated me out of some money. She never paid back that debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her.

But what about your prayer?

I didn't mean it.

Well, at least you are honest, but it's not much fun carrying a load of bitterness around inside you is it?

No, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I ever got plans for Linda. She'll wish she never gave me any trouble.

You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But I can change that.

You can? How?

Forgive Linda as I have forgiven you. Then the hate and sin will be Linda's problem not yours. You may lose the money, but you will have settled your heart.

Lord but I can't forgive Linda.

Then I can't forgive you.

Oh, you're right. You always are, and more than I want revenge on Linda, I want to be right with you. (Pause then sigh) All right, all right, I forgive her. Help her to find the right road in life. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think of it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the right way, and Lord help me to forget it too.

They’re now! How do you feel?

Hmm, well, not bad at all. In fact, I feel pretty great! You know I don't think I'll have to go to bed up tight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm getting enough rest.

You're not through with your prayer. Go on.

Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?

Quit hanging around with that group that are always getting into trouble. Change some of your friendships. Some of your so called friends are beginning to get to you. They'll have you completely involved in wrong things before long. Don't be fooled. They say they're having fun but for you it would be ruin. Don't use me as an escape hatch.

I don't understand.

Sure you do. You've done it lots of times. You get into bad situations, you get into trouble, and then you come running to me. "Lord help me out of this mess, and I'll promise never to do it again." You remember some of the bargains you tried to make with me?

Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord, really I am.

Which bargain are you remembering?

Well, the time I almost got caught for speeding. I remember saying to you, "Oh Lords don't let me get a ticket. If I don’t, I'll be in church every Sunday and do anything you want me to.

You didn't get a ticket did you? But you didn't keep your promise either did you?

I'm sorry Lord. I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's prayer every day, then I could do what I really liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like this....that you really listened.

Go ahead and finish your prayer.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?

No. But I'd like to know. I want to please you. I can see how neat it would be to be one of your followers.

© 1977, Clyde Lee Herring, 2938 East 84^th St., Tulsa, OK 74137.

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Peanut Butter

Scene: Noon on a work project. Several workmen with lunch kits, One who is a "star" Announces each act in words or by a sign.

Act 1

STAR (Takes out lunch, looks through lunch box carefully, picks out a sandwich, unwraps it and examines it and scowls) Peanut butter!

(Throws sandwich away while others watch.

Act 2

STAR (Smiles in anticipation, takes out lunch box, looks through it carefully, picks out sandwich, unwraps it. Lifts bread to examine filling, scowls and yells) Peanut Butter! (hurls sandwich away while others look on, shake their heads)

Act 3

(Star repeats the actions in act 2 another workman speaks)

Excuse me for butting in buddy, but I've noticed that every day you look at your sandwich and throw it away. Why don't you tell your wife you don't like Peanut Butter?

STAR You leave my wife out of this, I make my own sandwiches!