| Company For Supper Dishwasher Don't Brush That On Me! |
Service Team The Wall What's That? Wiped Out To The Sun Boy Genius |
The Ants Railroad Station Mosquitos Peanut Butter If God Should Speak |
Company For Supper
Two witches decide to make supper
1 - What shall we make for supper?
2 - I don't know. What would you like?
1 - I'm not sure. Why don't we add a few things and see how it tastes?
2 - Good idea - I'll get something for the pot (Brings in a person)
1 - (stirring pot and tasting) No it needs something else. I'll go get something else (brings in another person)
2 - Tastes mixture. It still needs something added (continue till pot is full)
1 - Takes final taste and says"This is just what I wanted"
2 - What's that?
1 - Company for dinner.
Dishwasher
CAST : husband, wife, dishwasher, repairman.
Wife - Please fix the dishwasher. We've run out of dishes
Hubby - Oh all right! Hand me the pipe wrench ( adlib more dialogues) OOPS!
Wife - Now you've done it. I'd better call the repair man to put it back together (Wife phones - more dialogue)
Repairman - Well, that should do it My bill comes to $249.95. thank you (leaves)
Wife - Now let's try it out and do up these dishes.
Hubby - Look at that! It's leaking all over the floor! Pass me the box of Kleenex.
Wife - Dummy, you'll never mop that up with a few Kleenex.
Hubby - Who's going to mop it up? I'm going to cry!
Don't Brush That On Me!
Psychiatrist's office. Patient is on bench. Doctor is sitting on a chair
Doctor: Let's see last week we were talking about your past.
Patient: Yes, I think we were.
Doctor: How much sleep do you get at night?
Patient: Oh, I can't complain. From six to nine hours
Doctor: Well that seems pretty normal. I am beginning to wonder what we are going to find wrong with you. You seem just as sane as I am.
Patient: (horrified)But Doctor, it's this creepy crawly bug. I just can’t stand them! ( Leaps from couch and brushes self wildly) They're all over me, they're all over me.
Doctor: (steps back) Well for goodness sake don't brush them onto me.
If God Should Speak
Speaker # 2 should be some what removed from the group being spoken to, ideally, the speaker should be out of sight, preferably behind the group.
Our Father which art in heaven....
Yes?
Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.
But you called me.
Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our Father which art in heaven..."
There. You did it again.
Did what?
Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven."Here I am, what's on your mind?
But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.
All right, go on.
Hallowed be thy name...
Hold it. What did you mean by that?
It means...good grief. I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just part of the prayer. Well what does it mean?
It means, honoured, holy, wonderful.
Hey, that makes sense. I never thought what "Hallowed" meant before. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Do you really mean that?
Sure. Why not?
What are you doing about it?
Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there.
Have I got control of you?
Well, I go to church!
That isn't what I asked you. What about that habit of gossiping you have? And your bad temper? You've really got a problem there. Then there's the way you spend money...all on your self. And what about the kind of books you read?
Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as some of the other phonies at church.
Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.
Oh. All right. I guess I do have some hangups, now that you mention it. I could probably name some others.
So could I
.I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to cut out some of these things. I would like to,you know, be really free.
Good. Now we are getting somewhere. We'll work together, you and I. Some victories can really be won. I'm proud of you.
Look, Lord, I need to finish up here. This is taking a lot longer that it usually does.
Give us this day our daily bread.
You need to cut out the bread. You eat too much as it is. ( or: - You're over weight as it is)
Hey! Just a minute!
What is this pick on me day? Here I was doing my religious duty and all of a sudden you break in remind me of all my hangups.
Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. You called me, and here I am. It's too late to stop now. Keep praying, I'm interested in the next part of your prayer....(pause)...Well go on.
I'm scared to.
Scared of what?
I know what you'll say.
Try me and see.
Forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
What about Linda?
See! I knew you would bring her up. Why, Lord, she told lies about me, cheated me out of some money. She never paid back that debt she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her.
But what about your prayer?
I didn't mean it.
Well, at least you are honest, but it's not much fun carrying a load of bitterness around inside you is it?
No, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I ever got plans for Linda. She'll wish she never gave me any trouble.
You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But I can change that.
You can? How?
Forgive Linda as I have forgiven you. Then the hate and sin will be Linda's problem not yours. You may lose the money, but you will have settled your heart.
Lord but I can't forgive Linda.
Then I can't forgive you.
Oh, you're right. You always are, and more than I want revenge on Linda, I want to be right with you. (Pause then sigh) All right, all right, I forgive her. Help her to find the right road in life. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think of it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Someway, somehow, show her the right way, and Lord help me to forget it too.
They’re now! How do you feel?
Hmm, well, not bad at all. In fact, I feel pretty great! You know I don't think I'll have to go to bed up tight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm getting enough rest.
You're not through with your prayer. Go on.
Oh, all right. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.
What do you mean by that?
Quit hanging around with that group that are always getting into trouble. Change some of your friendships. Some of your so called friends are beginning to get to you. They'll have you completely involved in wrong things before long. Don't be fooled. They say they're having fun but for you it would be ruin. Don't use me as an escape hatch.
I don't understand.
Sure you do. You've done it lots of times. You get into bad situations, you get into trouble, and then you come running to me. "Lord help me out of this mess, and I'll promise never to do it again." You remember some of the bargains you tried to make with me?
Yes, and I'm ashamed, Lord, really I am.
Which bargain are you remembering?
Well, the time I almost got caught for speeding. I remember saying to you, "Oh Lords don't let me get a ticket. If I don’t, I'll be in church every Sunday and do anything you want me to.
You didn't get a ticket did you? But you didn't keep your promise either did you?
I'm sorry Lord. I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's prayer every day, then I could do what I really liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like this....that you really listened.
Go ahead and finish your prayer.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen.
Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?
No. But I'd like to know. I want to please you. I can see how neat it would be to be one of your followers.
© 1977, Clyde Lee Herring, 2938 East 84th St., Tulsa, OK 74137.
Peanut Butter
Scene: Noon on a work project. Several workmen with lunch kits, One who is a "star" Announces each act in words or by a sign.
Act 1
STAR (Takes out lunch, looks through lunch box carefully, picks out a sandwich, unwraps it and examines it and scowls) Peanut butter!
(Throws sandwich away while others watch.
Act 2
STAR (Smiles in anticipation, takes out lunch box, looks through it carefully, picks out sandwich, unwraps it. Lifts bread to examine filling, scowls and yells) Peanut Butter! (hurls sandwich away while others look on, shake their heads)
Act 3
(Star repeats the actions in act 2 another workman speaks)
Excuse me for butting in buddy, but I've noticed that every day you look at your sandwich and throw it away. Why don't you tell your wife you don't like Peanut Butter?
STAR You leave my wife out of this, I make my own sandwiches!
Railroad Station
Couple approaches railroad station, They look up and down the tracks, then at each other.
She: Go ask
He shrugs and looks puzzled.
She: Go ahead and ask the station master.
He goes to the ticker window.
He: Are there any trains from the west?
Station master: No, no trains from the west.
He returns to spouse.
He: There are no trains from the west.
They look at each other for a minute.
She: Go ask the station master.
He goes back to the ticket window
He: Are there any trains from the East?
Station master: No, there are no trains from the East.
He returns to spouse.
He: There are no trains from the east.
They look around and at each other.
She: Go back and ask!
He returns to the ticket window.
He: Are there any trains from the North?
Station Master: No, no trains from the north.
He returns to his wife.
He: There are no trains from the north.
They look up and down the tracks and at each other.
She: Go back and check again.
He returns to the ticket window.
He: Are there any trains from the south?
Station Master: No, no trains from the south.
He goes back to his spouse.
He: There are no trains from the south.
She: Well if there are no trains from the north, south, east or west then it must be safe to cross the tacks today!
Service Team
Gerry enters rubbing eyes like crying
Becky enters and asks "Why are you crying?"
Gerry whispers to Becky
continue like this till one person left
Last person enters and asks "Why are you all crying?"
All together answer "Because we have no skit"
The Wall
1st person : walks in to where person 2 is standing.
2nd person : What are you listening to?
!st person : Shh! Just listen.
(Continue this way till all people are involved)
Last person : Hey! What"s everyone listening to?
(Places ear against the wall) I don't hear nothing.
1st person : I know it's been like that all day!
What's That?
A Scout is playing with some (pretend) stuff. (Stretching it horizontal in front of himself)
2nd Scout enters. "What's that?"
1st Scout says "Dunno - here have a piece" tears off a piece and gives it to #2)
2nd Scout plays with his piece ( stretching it vertical)
3rd Scout enters gets a piece off #2 .......
Each Scout does something different with their 'Stuff'
After a while a scout drops and looses piece and goes back to #1 and asks if he has any more. 1st says, "Sure" he makes a big play of fingering into his nose and pulling out a big slimy one for the guy. At this point all realising what they have playing with now feel ill and exit groaning, retching, clutching stomach etc.
Wiped Out
Characters: King, Scribe, 4 Generals.
King is sitting at his throne, asks the scribe how his country is doing at war.
Scribe replies, "Here comes one of your Generals now, we'll ask him."
Scribe asks the first general how he's doing in battle. The General replies that he's wiped out in the front. Then general falls and dies.
Second General comes in, and reports that they are wiped out on the right flank, then he falls over and dies.
The third General comes in and reports that they are wiped out in the left flank, then he too falls over and dies.
The fourth General comes running in, yelling.'We're wiped out in the rear, "and throws a roll of toilet paper over the crowd.
To The Sun
Personnel: 3 to 5 Cubs
Setting: Astronauts are bragging to each other.
1st: I’m going to Mars.
2nd: I’m going to Neptune.
3rd: I’m going to the Sun.
(Boys scoff at this last statement.)
1st: But it’s too hot.
2nd: Your rocket will melt.
3rd: What do you think I am? Stupid? I’m going at night!
Boy Genius
Characters: 3 or 4 Cubs. The scene opens with 1st boy sitting on chair or bed with toys and clothes scattered all over. He is deep in thought. Several friends are coming by.
All: greet one another.
2nd Cub: Hi ________ (put name here). What are you doing?
1st Cub: Just thinking.
2nd Cub: Thinking about what?
1st Cub: My invention.
3rd Cub: Are you inventing something?
1st Cub: Sure, I want to be famous like Alexander Graham Bell or Thomas Edison.
4th Cub: What do you have in mind? Maybe we can help.
All: Sure.
1st Cub: Okay, (getting up). First of all I need a big box. There’s one in my closet. I need 2 toy airplanes. Then I’ll need some kite string. Last I need some rags. You can use my clothes for that. Okay, now put everything in the box. That takes care of it.
4th Cub: Takes care of what?
1st Cub: My invention. I just invented a way to get my room cleaned before my mom gets home.
The Ants
Actors: 6-8 people
Props: paper sacks
Setting: Boys are standing together in a backyard. Cardboard cutout trees and bushes could be used/
1st boy: Gee, there’s nothing to do.
2nd boy: Yeah, I know.
3rd boy: Hey, let’s have a backyard picnic.
All: Yeah!
4th boy: But it’s going to rain.
1st boy: I don’t think so. If it does, we can eat in the house.
2nd boy: I’ll bring the crisps.
3rd boy: I’ll bring the hot dogs.
4th boy: I’ll bring the hot dog buns.
5th boy: I’ll bring the drinks.
6th boy: And I’ll bring something special.
(All walk off stage, and come back carrying sacks.)
2nd boy: Here are the crisps..
3rd boy: Here are the hot dogs.
4th boy: Here are the hot dog buns.
5th boy: Here are the drinks.
6th boy: (drops his sack) Oh, no!
5th boy: What’s wrong?
6th boy: I brought the ants.
Mosquito
Actors: 6-8 people
Props: paper sacks
Setting:Two scouts are walking along, obviously quite tired. They decide to set up their 'tent' which can be a blanket, or whatever, or even just mime it. Unfortunately it is only big enough for one.
The bigger of the two decides he's big and strong enough to take it sleeping outside, and lets the other have the tent. They settle down to sleep. After a few seconds someone stands up at on side of the circle, crying- "Mosqitos from the North!" South East and West follow suit, then charge in and proceed to beat the poor scout on the floor. (Be careful! But this is a good place to ham it up a bit) then run off. The poor beaten scout wakes his friend.
"I've just been attacked!"
The other scout looks around sees nothing and tells his friend not to be daft- there's nothing there. They settle down once more.
"Moquitos from the North!"
"Moquitos from the South!
"Moquitos from the East!"
"Moquitos from the West!" and again the poor scout recieves a beating.
He wakes his friend up who grumbles that they'll never get to sleep and swaps places with him. They settle down.
"Moquitos from the North!"
"Moquitos from the South!
"Moquitos from the East!"
"Moquitos from the West!" The mosquitos charge down and are about to get the scout on the floor when the lead one shouts- "Stop! We haven't got the guy in the tent yet!"
Submitted by Daniel Fiander 273rd Handsworth, Sheffield
when she wakes up."
The girl walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the arm and walks off with him.
3rd boy "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don't worry she'll bring me back when she wakes up."
The Lighthouse.
Cast: 1 narrator
3-6 Scouts for the lighthouse walls
3-6 leaders, counselors, kitchen staff, etc., number to equal the Scouts and will be 'recruited' during the skit
1 flashlight, or 2 if using 5-6 Scouts
Scouts stand in a circle, facing out, feet spread 2' - 3' apart but touching feet of Scouts on each side. The flashlight is held at eye level and is passed around the circle. Scouts stand tall and hold the beacon's beam steady.
Narrator: "Many years ago the people of a seaside village built a lighthouse to warn approaching ships of a dangerous shoal near their harbor. It's beacon could be seen for miles, even in fog and storms. For many decades, the lighthouse stood firm and give safe passage to all who sailed by the village. But as the years went by, the villagers grew old and so did the lighthouse. The villagers could no longer make repairs, the ocean's waves wore away the foundation, the lighthouse started to sag and failed at its duty."
The Scouts now stoop, heads lean to the side and bend their knees slightly; the light 'travels' a zig-zag path around.
Narrator: "When the schooners and square riggers started to go aground on the shoals, the old villagers knew they had to call in experienced people to help with their problem. People whowere pillars in their own communities and who were solid as a rock."
Recruit your favorite 'I'm gonna get you now' people and instruct them to go down on their hands an knees and into the walls. Leaders are facing in with their derrieres out, and are straddled by the Scouts who again stand tall and give a steady light.
Narrator: "Now with these new rocks placed into the foundation, the lighthouse once again shines a bright beacon and stands firm in the stormy surf to withstand the pounding of the waves."
Scouts drop the flashlight and then hand paddle the leaders.
Sarge And The Private
Sarge and private walking.
Private: "I want to rest!"
Sarge: "No! we have to finish this hike keep going!"
Private: "But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)
Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...
Sarge: "Absolutely NOT!!!"
Private: "Ill cry..."
Sarge: "Go ahead!"
Private: "WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here Sarge gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you can always use the "Weeee!" when the Sarge finally gives in after the same Rigamarole. and next a drink, and finally food. But this is only a day hike so there is no food. After more tears, the sarge finds a worm and the private will only eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the sarge eats half. Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling again and screams
Private: "You ate my half."
Reggie and the Colonel
Characters: Reggie, big, dumb, Bermudas, high socks, safari hat, glasses, down on nose, moustache, carries gun in front of him. Colonel:short, limp, monocle, no gun, just small knapsack, has cane.
Scene: Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced in an English accent.
Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing with cane) Reggie, look... Did you see it, Reggie ??????
Reggie: See what??! No, no, where, where ??
Colonel: Oh, Reggie, It was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span, beautiful colors.
Reggie: No. I didn't see it.
Colonel: Wish You'd pay closer attention. (They continue walking).
Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: No, what?
Colonel: A spotted Zebra...Wish you'd pay closer attention.
Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie?? Did you see it?
Reggie: No I missed it ... what was it?
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.
Reggie: Ooh-aah bird. What's a ooh aah bird??
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg, like this: Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh-aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(face lights up). (continue walking).
Reggie: Whispers to audience: Next time I'll say yes - pretend like I saw it. I'll fool him.
Colonel: Reggie, Reggie did you see it! (excited)
Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!
Colonel: Then why in heaven's name did you step in it? !!!
We're Going On Safari
This is an action chant, which can be performed by as many scouts as you wish. It can be made into something really good, by dressing up in safari gear and carrying rifles.
1st scout: We're going on safari.
ALL: We're going on safari.
1st scout: We're gonna catch a big one.
ALL: We're gonna catch a big one.
1st scout: Ooh look a snake.
ALL: Ooh look a snake.
1st scout: Hiss, hiss.
ALL: Hiss, hiss.
2nd scout: We're going on safari.
ALL: We're going on safari.
2nd scout: We're gonna catch a big one.
ALL: We're gonna catch a big one.
2nd scout : Ooh look a crocodile.
ALL: Ooh look a crocodile.
2nd scout: Snap, snap.
ALL: Snap, snap.
1st scout: Hiss, hiss.
ALL: Hiss, hiss.
3rd scout:We're going on safari.
ALL: We're going on safari.
3rd scout:We're gonna catch a big one.
ALL: We're gonna catch a big one.
3rd scout:Ooh look a panther.
ALL: Ooh look a panther.
3rd scout:Poof, poof.
ALL: POOF, POOF.......Why on Earth poof poof?
3rd scout:Well, he was pink!
2nd scout: Snap, snap.
ALL: Snap, snap.
1st scout: Hiss, hiss.
ALL: Hiss, hiss.
AND SO ON.
To finish you can have someone dressed in a gorilla suit. The last scout starts to sing ooh look a gorilla, then all the others see the gorilla as he comes on stage and chases them all off screaming.
Push-Button Radio
Scene: One person is pushing buttons (thus changing stations) on a push button radio. Offstage, five people read the parts below. The following radio programs are mixed up with hilarious effects -- a talk on Cub Scouting, a prize fight, a soap opera, a political speech, and a commercial on conflakes.
NOTE: Since this skit requires quite a bit of reading, it will be best for 10-12 Year olds, scouts or adults to perform. Rehearse at least twice. The first and last part of the lines are the most important. The second reader should begin immediately after the first reader finishes, etc. This is one time the actors should be instructed not to wait for laughs.
CUB SCOUT: Good evening, friends! Tonight, I am going to tell you about Cub Scouting. Cub Scouting is a home-centered program for boys, their leaders, their families and...
POLITICAL (passionately): ...scoundrels in high places! I say to you, we must send to Congress men and women of integrity who will stand up to temptation and say...
SOAP OPERA (with feeling): ...let me hold you in my arms, darling! Yes, sweet, come close... closer still... and let me put my strong arms around you, and then...
FIGHT (fast stoccato): ...a hard looping right to the stomach! Wow! Whatta fight this is, folks! Murphy swings a left to the jaw, a right to the head, a left, a right, another right, and the Butcher goes down. He drops straight back on his...
COMMERCIAL (loud and brassy): ...large, economy-size package. Yes, friends, ask your grocer today for this big, family-size box of Chlorophyll's Crummier Cornflakes... the only cornflakes with the built-in crumb! Once you have tasted Chlorophyll's, you'll say...
POLITICAL: ...how in the world can they do it? How can these men, these elected servants for the people, put politics before principle in such a brazen and outrageous effort to advance their own selfish cause? There is only one thing that will put a stop to their selfishness. I mean none other than...
CUB SCOUT: ...a group of overworked cub leaders. The answer to this, of course, is to select assistant cub leaders who can help out where needed. When you ask someone to be a cub leader, just walk right up and say...
SOAP OPERA: ...take your hands off me! Don't come near me! I cannot stand you... do you hear? I hate you...
CUB SCOUT: ...in this way, of course, a person is more likely to say "yes". And then there is only one thing to watch out for...
FIGHT:...another hard right to the stomach! Now the Butcher is moving in, and Murphy's looking bad... very bad. He has a cut on his forehead and his left eye's swelling fast. In fact, he reminds me of...
COMMERCIAL: ...a soggy bowl of leftover cornflakes. So accept no substitutes! Always choose Chlorophyll's cornflakes for the crumminess you love to crunch. Start your day with a big bowl full of Chlorophyll's swimming in heavy cream and covered with strawberries... and a large
heaping of...
POLITICAL: ...crooked politicians! Yes, my friends, I repeat to you again and again that dishonesty in government, whether local, state, or national, is a shame and a disgrace to our fair land. There is only one thing we can do about it. Only one thing will save our proud and mighty nation...
CUB SCOUT: ...four full sixes in every pack! More boys in your pack means more boys to enjoy the fun and benefits of Cub Scouting, as well as more families to share in the leadership. With a full pack, a Cubmaster can look the cub leaders in the face and say...
SOAP OPERA: ...Kiss me, you fool! All I ever expected from you was...
FIGHT:...A hard right to the stomach! And I can see what's coming now...
COMMERCIAL: ...another bowl of soggy, leftover cornflakes. So remember, always use Chlorophyll's...
POLITICAL: ...because they're poison... yes, poison. The best solution to political dishonesty is...
CUB SCOUT: ...more and better Cub Scouting everywhere! (Curtain)
Measurement Problem
(Two Scouts come on stage carrying a long pole. They prop it up, then stand back and look at it.)
Scout 1: Now, there are several ways we can figure out the height of this pole. How do you want to start? (The Scouts unsuccessfully try various methods of estimation to calculate the height of the pole. The conversation goes something like....)
Scout 1: According to my calculations, that pole is about 2 m high.
Scout 2: There's no way. It has got to be shorter than that. Just look at it.
(This kind of exchange repeats several times as the Scouts obviously become more and more exasperated. A Cub strolls onto the stage.)
Cub: Hi! (he watches a bit) What are you guys trying to do?
Scout 2: We're trying to measure the exact height of this pole.
Scout 1: We haven't had too much luck, yet, but we'll get it.
Cub: Why don"t you just lay the pole on the ground and measure its lengthl
Scout 1: (scornfully) Cubs!
Scout 2: I'11 say. (To the Cub) Didn't you hear right? We want to know how tall the pole is - not how long it is!
(This is a unique skit that involves a series ofwalk-ons that must be closely arranged with the Campfire Leader. Each walk-on would come perhaps, between songs, BUT NEVER to upstage a skit that is about to, or has just been put on.)
PROPS: Briefcase, flashlight, (O.K. to use as a prop), a small ladder, and a banana peel.WALK-ON 1:
LAWYER: [enters carrying briefcase]
LEADER: Hey, you with the case! Where do you think you're going?
LAWYER: [strides in, holding up case] I'm taking my case to court! [strides through and out]WALK-ON #2: (Later)
LAWYER: [enters with case and flashlight]
LEADER: Alright, where are you going now?
LAWYER: [waving flashlight] I'm taking my case to night court! [strides through and out]
WALK-ON #3. (Later)
LAWYER: [enters with case and ladder]
LEADER: It's you again! Where are you going with that ladder?
LAWYER: Now I'm taking my case to a higher court! [strides out]
WALK-ON #4 (Later)
LAWYER: [enters with case and banana peel]
LEADER: [angrily] I've had it with you walking through here. Now, this is it! Where are you going?
LAWYER: I'm going to the court of last aPEELs! [strides out]
WALKON #5 (Last time)
LAWYER: [wanders in with no props, looking all around]
LEADER: What's up nowl What are you looking forl
LAWYER: I lost my case. [trudges out]
Gotta Go wee
(The boys are seated in two rows, as in a school bus, with one at the front as the driver.)
TOMMY: [running to front] Stop the bus, I gotta go wee!
DRIVER: [making driving motions] I can't stop here. You can hang on, go on back and sit down.
[Tommy sits down, driver makes driving sounds]
TOMMY: [a few moments later, runs to fiont] Driver, you gotta stop the bus. I gotta go wee.
DRIVER; It's only a little while to your stop. Hang on a little longer and we'll be there.
[Tommy sits down, bus continues]
TOMMY: [moments later, running to front] I gotta go wee. I gotta go wee. Stop the bus.
DRIVER: [braking, stopping, opening the door] OK, OK, out you go!
TOMMY: [exits, runs in circle] Wheeeeee!
Enlarging Machine
(This skit is best set up in the opening of the campfire circle so that no one can see what is happening "backstage".)
PROPS: A blanket (or on stage a large piece of cardboard on which is drawn a machine, with a flap in the fkont), a tea spoon and a ladle, a tin mug and a pot.
(Two boys hold up the blanket behind which is the largest boy, who is also the machine operator.)
CIRCUS BARKER: Alright, step right up and see the world's only enlarging machine! For one small dime, one tenth of a dollar, you can try the eighth wonder of the world.
FIRST BOY: [shows everybody his tea spoon] I'I1 give it a try mister. [puts imaginary coin into pocket of hoy holding blanket and cranks his arm]
OPERATOR: [clanking, whirring sounds, throws ladle out]
BARKER: There you are folks, one tiny spoon in, one big spoon out! Who's next?
SECOND BOY: [shows tin mug] Me mister. I'II try it. [puts in imaginary coin, cranks arm]
OPERATOR: [clanking, whirring sounds, throws pot out]
BARKER: Isn't that the marvel of the world. One tiny mug in, one big mug out. Step right up now, who's next?
THIRD BOY: [runs up, puts in dime, cranks arm, and jump in]
OPERATOR: [clanking, whirring sounds, and jumps out]
(Note from orignal source: "We discourage the ending where someone spits into the machine, receiving a mug of water in the face, because spitting is a most un-Scout like action.")
Emergency Skit
This Skit should be learned by all Cubs and Scouts in the event that they find themselves called on unexpectedly for a skit (Be Prepared), or in case some other Six or Patrol used their planned skit earlier in the same Campfire.
[The first boy enters and begins crying] [The second boy enters and walks up to the first]
#2: What's wrong?
[#I whispers into #2's ear, and both start cryingl
#3 [entering] Hey, what's wrong guys?
1:#2 whispers into #3's ear, and all start cryingl
(This continues until the entire Six or Patrol, but one, are in and crying)
LAST BOY: [entering, and loudly]OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, WHAT'S WRONG?
THE GROUP: THEY STOLE OUR SKIT!
- or WE DON'T HAVE A SKIT! depending on the situation.
Echo #1 (Baloney)
(Before the skit begins, one player hides a few feet away and plays the part of the ECHO.)
[PETER AND TIM enter]
PETER: Here we are, Tim, at the famous Echo Mountain. Why don't you give it a try?
TIM: Sure, might as well. [raises his voice] Hello!
ECHO:Helloooo.
PETER: That's fantastic! I'm gonna try it. [raises voice] Hi there.
ECHO:Hi there ....
(ROBIN and CARRY enter]
ROBIN: Hi, what are you guys up to?
TIM: We're trying out famous echo mountain. Shout something and hear it come back.
CARRY. OK, here I go. [raises voice] Baloney.
[Pause, waiting for ECHO, which does not come back]
ROBIN: Hmmm, it's not working. Let me try. [raises voice] Scouter John's a great guy!
ECHO:Baloney! [All exit quickly)
Echo #2 (Jerk)
(Before the skit begins, one player hides a few feet into the woods behind the campfire circle, and plays the part of the ECHO.)
SCOUT: Boy, it's been a tough day at camp. But now I've hiked up to the famous Echo Mountain, might as well give it a try. [raises voice] Testing ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ...
ECHO:Testing
SCOUT: I'm a Boy Scout and I'm trained to live in the woods, [raises voice] right!
ECHO:Right
SCOUT: And when it's my turn to cook, if I mess up the stew the rest of the guys can lump it, [raises voice] correct!
ECHO:Correct!
SCOUT: And I'll tell that to Scouter too, [raises voice] check!
ECHO:Check!
SCOUT: [turning to hike away, in an arrogant tone ofvoice] No one's gonna push me around and treat me like a JERK.
ECHO:JERK! [Scout does a double take and exits]
Can't Pay the Rent
(In this skit, one person plays all three parts by changing the voice and by using a paper napkin as a mustache, hair bow, and bow tie, as the parts call for.)
VILLAIN. [sound effect] Knock, knock, knock.
GIRL: [very timid high pitched voice] Who is there?
VILLAIN: [fiercely)I've come for my rent!
GIRL: [in despair] I can't pay the rent! I can't pay the rent!
VILLAIN. [forcefirlly) You will pay the rent or I will throw you out into the cold.
GIRL: [Looking around] OH, here comes my hero! Help, help, help.
HERO: [nobly) Unhand her you cad!
VILLAIN. I have a right to my rent.
HERO: I have the money from her father's will herel Now leave and do not return!
GIRL: my hero, my hero! ..
VILLAIN: [as he slinks off] Curses, foiled again!
All In a Days Work
PROPS: A sign reading: "Undertaker, Justice of the Peace, Furniture, Fresh Eggs", some overalls, straw hats, bandannas.
ANNO: Here we see old Clem Smithers sittin' in front of his country store and funeral parlour.
JOSH: [strolling in, thumbs in suspenders] Good Morning Mr. Smithers. I'm Josh Martin.
CLEM: Howdy hub, call me Clem.
JOSH: So, you're an undertaker?
CLEM: Yep.
JOSH: Lived here all your life?
CLEM: Not yet I ain't.
JOSH: Do people die here often?
CLEM: Nope .... only once, Need an undertaker?
JOSH: Oh, no. They tell me you sell cement here.
CLEM: Yep.
JOSH: I need two bags.
CLEM: What kind?
JOSH: Don't know .. St. MaIys I guess,
CLEM: Good as it comes... what you gonna use if fer?
JOSH: Some new steps out by my cement pond.
CLEM: Yep, yep ... How many steps?
JOSH: Oh,'bout six.
CLEM: How wide?
JOSH:'bout four feet.
At the Movies
Director, cameraman, clapper board man, a couple of lighting men (with flashlights) and mother are on stage as action begins. Son, doctor and undertaker wait in wings.
Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper Board Man: Scene One, Take One!
(The actors play the scene without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and cameraman films. Mother is' flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.)
Son: Mom, I don't feel too well. (He collapses.)
Mom: (Goes over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves to phone, dials making click, click sounds.) Doctor, come quick. My son's collapsed.
Doctor: (Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call the undertaker. (Goes to phone, dials making dialling sounds like Mom did.) Undertaker, you'd better come. I have a dead body here.
Undertaker: (Enters and begins to measure the body.)
Director: (Jumps up) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion at ALL. Let's do it again. This time, give me more emotion!
Cast: (Exiting) Right. More emotion.
Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper Board Man: Scene One, Take Two!
(The actors re-do the scene, using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics. Mother weeps uncontrollably throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same point as in Take One, the director yells, "Cut! Cut! ")
Director: That was better, but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down. Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper Board Man: Scene One, Take Three?
(The actors re-do the scene in slow motion - talking slowly, moving slowly. For example, when the telephone is dialled, it goes "click... click.. click", and after the doctor checks the son's pulse, the son's hand falls slowly back to the floor, etc. The director yells, "Cut!" in the usual place.)
Director: That was far too slow. One more time. Let's speed it up
(This time, the actors do the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground, the doctor is there before Mom can hang up, and so on.)
Director (at the same place): Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call yourself actors?
Cast: Actors? Who said anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pick up brooms and exit.)
Alexander's Rag Time Band
PROPS: Coloured strips of cloth for each participant, spears and shields if desired.
ANNO: In this skit, ALEXANDER THE GREAT has called all his officers together to plan the next days battle when they will make the big attack on Russia.
ALEX: Now men, the key to tomorrow's attack will be coordination. Each of you Generals will need to have your men begin the attack at the same moment.
GENERAL #1: How can we do that great leader? We will be so far apart we can't see each other and clocks haven't been invented yet?
ALEX: [very wisely] I've commanded my chief scientist to solve the problem. It was either do it or loose his head. Mortimer, get in here, now!
MORTIMER: [bumbling in] I'm here master! I've done it, I've done it! I've invented TIME! Here, everybody [passes out cloths] tie this red rag around your wrist. I've dipped it in a new miracle chemical I invented in my tent. When it's time to start the battle they will all turn blue. [Alexander and Generals tie band on wrist]
ALEX: That's wonderfUl Mortimer. What do you call your new invention?
MORTLMER: Oh, ALEXANDER'S RAG TIME BAND!
Doctor! Doctor!
The secret to success with this series of quickies is to keep them moving along. You can have one doctor and different patients, but it may add greater rush and flurry if a different doctor and patient fly in and out for each quickie.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a set of drapes.
Doc: Pull yourself together!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Am I going to die?
Doc: That's the last thing you'll do.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Doc: Next!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My back feels like a deck of cards!
Doc: I'll deal with you later.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! What's wrong with me?
Doc: Have you had this before?
Pat: Yes.
Doc: Well, you've got it again!
Doc: You'll live to be 80.
Pat: I am 80.
Doc: See!
Pat:Doctor! Doctor! I've got insomnia.
Doc: Don't lose any sleep over it!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My friend's doctor told him he had appendicitis and, two weeks later, my friend died of heart failure.
Doc: Don't worry. If I tell you you've got appendicitis, you'll die from appendicitis!
