Skip’s Got a Head Like a Ping Pong Ball
(tune Lone Ranger Theme - William Tell Overture)
Skips got a head like a ping pong ball
Skips got a head like a ping pong ball
Skips got a head like a ping pong ball
Like a piiiiiiiiiiing pong ball
ping pong (seven times) ball
ping pong (6 times) Ball
ping ping ping ping ping ping ping ping PONG
(Second verse is the same only say pong where you say ping in the first verse and visa versa) - You can also change the name to your favourite hairless scouter!!!
He Jumped Without A Parachute
This is a British version of a song known in the US as Never tie a love knot in a parachuters chute
Tune Battle Hymn of the Republic - John Browns Body
First Version
He jumped without a parachute from twenty thousand feet
He jumped without a parachute from twenty thousand feet
He jumped without a parachute from twenty thousand feet
And he aint gorna jump no more
Chorus
Glory glory what a heck of a way to die
Glory glory what a heck of a way to die
Glory glory what a heck of a way to die
And he aint gorna jump no more
They scraped him off the tarmac like a lump of strawberry jam (3x)
And He aint .............
Chorus
They put him in a sardine tin and sent him home to mum (3x)
And he aint...........
Chorus
They put him on the mantle piece for everyone to see (3x)
and he aint........
Chorus
They spread him on a slice of bread when the vicar came to tea (3x)
and he aint.....
Last
Chorus
Second Version
He jumped from forty thousand feet without a parachute
He jumped from forty thousand feet without a parachute
He jumped from forty thousand feet without a parachute
And he aint gonna jump no more
Chorus
Glory glory what a hell of a way to die
suspended by your braces when you dont know how to fly
Glory glory what a hell of a way to die
And he aint gonna jump no more
He landed on the pavement like a lump of strawberry jam
He landed on the pavement like a lump of strawberry jam
He landed on the pavement like a lump of strawberry jam
And he aint gonna jump no more
Chorus
They put him in a match box and they sent him home to mum
They put him in a match box and they sent him home to mum
They put him in a match box and they sent him home to mum
And he aint gonna jump no more
Chorus
She put on the mantel piece for everyone to see
She put on the mantel piece for everyone to see
She put on the mantel piece for everyone to see
And he aint gonna jump no more
Chorus
She put him on the table when the Vicar came to tea
She put him on the table when the Vicar came to tea
She put him on the table when the Vicar came to tea
And he aint gonna jump no more
Chorus
The Vicar spread him on some toast and said what lovely jam
The Vicar spread him on some toast and said what lovely jam
The Vicar spread him on some toast and said what lovely jam
And he aint gonna jump no more
Last Chorus
Notes: Verse #4 is sometimes omitted, and the chorus is sometimes repeated a second time at the end, which gets louder through the first two lines and then quieter during the last two lines, with the last few words being slowed down and strung out, to emphasise the point that he aint gonna jump no more.
Alice the Camel
Alice the camel has 10 humps, Alice the camel has 10 humps
Alice the camel has 10 humps, so go, Alice, GO!!
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
[Continue with 9, 8, 7 . . . humps, until . . . ]
Alice the camel has no humps, Alice the camel has no humps
Alice the camel has no humps, ‘cause Alice is a HORSE!!
Found a Peanut
[Tune: Clementine]
Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now.
Just now I found a peanut, found a peanut just now.
Continue in the same manner with:
2. It was rotten, . . .
3. Ate it anyway, . . .
4. Got sick, . . .
5. Called the doctor, . . .
6. Had surgery, . . .
7. Died anyway, . . .
8. Went to heaven, . . .
9. Kicked an angel, . . .
10.Went the other way, . . .
11.Found a peanut, . . .
12.Threw it away, . . .
Worms
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I’ll go out and dig some worms;
Long thin skinny ones;
Big fat juicy ones,
See how they wriggle and squirm.
Bite their heads off,
Suck their juice out,
Throw their skins away,
Nobody knows how much I thrive
On worms three times a day.
Long thin skinny ones slip down easily,
Big fat juicy ones stick;
Hold your head back,
Squeeze their tail,
And their juice just goes drip, drip.
Bananas, Coconuts and Grapes
I like bananas, coconuts, and grapes. [Repeat twice more.]
That’s why they call me: TARZAN OF THE APES!
Sing three or four times: the first time loudly; the second time softly (except for the “Tarzan” part); the third time, whisper all but the “Tarzan” part; the last time, no one makes a sound until all shout in unison, “TARZAN . . . .
Eats Song
[Tune: “H’m gonna let it shine. . . .
Don’t you try to blow it out, I’m gonna let it shine. . . .
All around this world of ours, I’m gonna let it shine. . . .
Boom Chicka Boom
I says a-boom-chick-a-boom! [Group echoes.]
I says a-boom-chick-a-boom! [Group echoes.]
I says a-boom-chick-a-rock-a-chick-a-rock-a-chick-a-boom!
[Group echoes.]
Uh-huh! [Group echoes.]
On Yeah! [Group echoes.]
This time! [Group echoes.]
We sing! [Group echoes.]
HIGHER!
Each time a leader adds a different variation such as: LOWER,
WHISPER, LOUDER, TONGUE-IN-CHEEK, SEXY, GROOVY (COOL).
Do Your Ears Hang Low?
[Tune: Turkey in the Straw, refrain]
Do your ears hang low, do they waggle to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them is a bow?
Can you throw them o’re your shoulder like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?
Do your ears stick out, can you waggle them about?
Can you flap them up and down as you fly around the town?
Can you shut them up for sure when you hear an awful bore?
Do your ears stick out?
Do your ears stand high, do they reach up to the sky?
Do they hang down when they’re wet, do they stand up when they’re dry?
Can you semaphore your neighbor with the minimum of labor?
Do your ears stand high?
Flea Fly
[Rhythm: Same as “Froggie”]
Flea.
Flea, fly.
Flea, fly, mosquito.
Swat ‘em!
Calamine, calamine, calamine lotion.
Oh, no more calamine lotion.
Itchy, itchy, scratchy, scratchy, got one on my backy, backy.
Ohy, ohy, owwy, owwy, wish he’d go away.
Quick get the bug spray, I think he went that-a-way-shhhhhh!
[Make can-spraying motions.]
Back to top, Glory, How Peculiar
[Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic]
As one woodpecker pecked up the peg, the other woodpecker pecked down. [Repeat three times.]
Chorus
Glory, glory, how peculiar. [Repeat two times.]
[Repeat stanza.]
As one sly snake slipped up the slide, other sly snake slipped down.
As one blue bat blew in the bowl, other blue bat blew out.
As one black bug bled blue black blood, the other black bug bled blue.
As one drunk duck dove into the ditch, the other drunk duck dropped dead.
As one flea fly flew up the flue, the other flea fly flew down.
As one pink porpoise popped into the pool, other pink porpoise popped out.
As one brown bear backed up the bank, other brown bear backed down.
As one white whale whipped over the waves, other white whale whipped under.
God Bless My Underwear
[Tune: God Bless America]
God bless my underwear, my only pair.
Stand beside them, and guide them,
Through the rips, through the holes, through the tears.
From the washer, to the dryer, to the clothesline in the air.
God bless my underwear, my only pair.
Horse Fly
[Tune: The More We Get Together.]
Did you ever see a horse fly, a horse fly, a horse fly?
Did you ever see a horse fly, a horse fly, fly, fly?
Did you ever see a board walk, a board walk, a board walk?
Did you ever see a board walk, a board walk, walk, walk?
Additional verses: Shoe lace, hair pin, tooth pick, eye drop, neck tie, moth bawl, eye lash, yard stick, ear drum, clam bake.#
I’m a Little Hunk of Tin
I’m a little hunk of tin, nobody knows what shape I’m in.
Got four wheels and a running board, I’m a four-door, I’m a Ford.
Honk-honk, rattle-rattle, don’t crash, beep-beep [repeat twice ]
Honk-honk, honk-honk, honk-honk.
Actions: honk-pull ears; rattle-shake head; crash-cover face with hands; beep-push on nose with flat of hand
I’m Being Swallowed By A Boa Constrictor
I’m being swallowed by a boa constrictor, [Repeat twice]
And I don’t like it one little bit!
Oh no! He swallowed my toe.
Oh gee! He’s up to my knee.
Oh my! He’s up to my thigh.
Oh fiddle! He’s up to my middle.
Oh heck! He’s up to my neck.
Oh dread! He’s up to my . . .
[Make sound of victim being swallowed up.]
[Make sound of victim being swallowed up.]
I Met a Bear
[Tune: Sipping Cider Through a Straw]
The other day, I met a bear,
Out in the woods, away out there. [Point.]
He looked at me, I looked at him,
He sized up me, I sized up him.
He says to me, “Why don’t you run?”
“’Cause I can see, you have no gun.”
I says to him, “That’s a good idea.”
“Now legs get going, get me out of here!”
I began to run, away from there,
But right behind me was that bear.
And on the path ahead of me,
I saw a tree, Oh glory be.
The lowest branch was ten feet up,
I’d have to jump and trust to luck.
And so I jumped into the air,
But I missed that branch away up there.
Now don’t you fret, and don’t you frown,
I caught that branch on the way back down.
That’s all there is, there ain’t no more,
Unless I met that bear once more.
Little Bunny Fru-Fru
Little bunny Fru-fru, hoppin’ though the forest,
Scoopin’ up the field mice and battin’ them on the head.
Along came the good fairy, and she said:
“Little bunny Fru-fru, I don’t want to see you
Scoopin’ up the field mice and battin’ them on the head.
I’ll give you three chances to change your ways, and if you don’t obey, I’ll turn you into a goon.”
So the next day . . . [Repeat-two more chances . . . ]
So the next day . . . [Repeat-one more chance . . . ]
So the next day . . . [Repeat]
“I gave you three chances to change your ways and you didn’t obey, so now I’m turning you into goon. Pooff! You’re a goon.
And the moral of this story is . . . ‘Hare today and goon tomorrow.’
Magdalena Tagalena
Chorus
Oh, Magdalena tagalena, wocha-tocha, wocha-tocha,
Wocha-tocha-mocha was her name.
She had two hairs on the top of her head,
One was alive and the other one was dead.
She had two eyes in the middle of her head,
One was green and the other one was red.
She had a nose as long as a hose,
It curled at the end and was red like a rose.
She had two teeth in the middle of her mouth,
One pointed north and the other pointed south.
She had two feet as flat a mat,
No one knew how she got around like that.
One day a ten-ton truck ran over poor Magdalena,
And the poor guy had to get a new machina.
My Dog Rover
(Tune: I”m Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover)
Verse 1
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
That I overran with the mower.
One leg is missing, another is gone,
One leg is scattered all over the lawn.
No need explaining, the one remaining,
Is stuck in the kitchen door.
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
That I overran with the mower.
Verse 2
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who died on the kitchen floor.
One leg is broken, the other is lame,
The third leg is missing, the fourth needs a cane.
No need explaining, the tail remaining
Was caught in the oven door.
I’m looking over my dead dog Rover
Who died on the kitchen floor.
My Stomach Has Had It
[Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean]
My breakfast lies over the ocean,
My dinner lies over the sea,
My stomach is in a commotion,
Don’t mention my supper to me.
Chorus
Bring back, bring back, Oh bring
Back my bucket to me, to me . . .
I really felt rotten this morning,
They tell me I really looked pale,
My stomach gave adequate warning,
To lean far out over the rail.
The sound of a stomach in motion,
A murmuring noise inside me,
I looked down and there on the water,
Was breakfast and dinner and tea.
My Tall Silk Hat
(Tune: Funiculi, Funicula)
One day, as I was riding on the subway,
My tall silk hat, my tall silk hat.
I laid it on the seat beside me,
My tall silk hat, my tall silk hat.
A big, a-fat-a-lady sat upon it,
My tall silk hat, my tall silk hat.
A big, a-fat-a-lady sat upon it,
My tall silk hat, my tall silk hat.
Christopher Columbo, now what do think of that,
A big, a-fat-a-lady sat upon it,
My tall silk hat, my tall silk hat.
My hat she broke and that’s no joke,
My hat she broke and that’s no joke.
Christopher Columbo, now what do think of that,
my hat, my hat, my hat she smashed.
My Uncle
(Tune: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean)
My uncle fell into a pothole
In a glacier while climbing an Alp.
He’s still there after 50 long winters,
And all you can see is his scalp.
Chorus
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my uncle to me, to me.
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my uncle to me, to me.
My uncle was proud of his whiskers, To shave them would give him the blues. They hung all the way to his ankles, And he used them for shining his shoes.
Chorus
My uncle had faith in a sailboat
He had built from an old hollow tree.
My uncle set sail for Australia,
Now my uncle lies under the sea.
Chorus
My uncle made friends with hyenas,
He gave them a ride on his raft.
When a crocodile reached up and grabbed him,
The hyenas just sat there and laughed.
Chorus
My uncle annoyed his dear parents
They tossed him right out of the bus.
And if we don’t mend our behaviour,
Why that’s what will happen to us.
My Bonnie-silly verses
My Bonnie’s complexion was makeup, her face, it was beauteous to see;
Until she got caught in a rainstorm, Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank, the height of its contents to see;
I lighted a match to assist her, Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
My Bonnie has tuberculosis, my Bonnie has only one lung,
My Bonnie can cough up raw oysters, and roll them around on her tongue.
My mother’s an apple pie maker, my father he fiddles for tin,
My sister scrubs floors for a living, Oh boy, how the money rolls in.
Rolls in, rolls in, Oh boy, how the money rolls in, rolls in, etc.
Last night as I lay on my pillow, last night as I lay on my bed,
I stuck my feet out the window, next morning my neighbors were dead.
Bring back, bring back, Oh, bring my neighbors to me, to me, etc.
National Embalming School
[Tune: (mostly) O, Tannenbaum]
We live for you, we die for you, National Embalming School.
We do our best to give you rest, National Embalming School.
And when you die, we’ll dig a hole, and bury you so deep and cold.
We live for you, we die for you, National Embalming School.
Post mortem, post mortem, post mortem, autopsy we must have.
[Repeat]
Cut! Slash! Gash! Bleed! We must know the reason.
Glory how the body stinks! It must be out of season.
We live for you, we die for you, National Embalming School.
One Fish Ball
A man was walking up and down,
To find a place where he could dine in town;
A man was walking up and down,
To find a place where he could dine.
He found himself a fancy place,
And entered in with simple grace. [Repeat.]
He took his purse his pocket hence,
But all he found was fifteen cents.
He scanned the menu through and through,
To see what fifteen cents would do.
The only thing ‘twould to at all,
Was buy just one fish ball.
He call the waiter down the hall,
And softly whispered, “One fish ball.”
The waiter bellowed down the hall,
“This gentlemen here wants one fish ball!”
The guests, they turned both one and all
To see who’d ordered one fish ball.
The shaken man grew ill at ease,
But softly whispered, “Bread, sir, please.
The waiter bellowed down the hall,
“You get no bread with one fish ball!”
The wretched man then went outside,
A-looking for a place to hide.
There is a moral to this all:
Don’t ask for bread with one fish ball.
Once a Girl Scout went to Camp
(Tune: Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes)
Once a Girl Scout went to camp, went to camp
Went to camp without her lamp, without her lamp
And there she saw a spider in her bed, in her bed
This is what the Girl Scout said , Girl Scout said:
“Spider spider, go away, go away,
You are not allowed to stay, allowed to stay
This is what my leader said,
’No two bodies in one bed, in one bed.’”
Once a Boy Scout went to camp, went to camp
Went to camp without his lamp, without his lamp
And there he saw a spider in his bed, in his bed
This is what the Boy Scout said, Boy Scout said:
”Aaaaaauuughhhhhh!”
Oom, Plucky, Plucky
She sat on a hillside and strummed her guitar, strummed her guitar, strummed her guitar.
She sat on a hillside and strummed her guitar, strummed her gui-ta-a-a-ar.
Chorus
Oom, plucky, plucky, oom, plucky, plucky, oom, pluck, pluck, pluck, ZING!
Oom, plucky, plucky, oom, plucky, plucky, oom, pluck, pluck, pluck, ZING!
He sat down beside her and smoked his cigar.
He said that he loved her but, oh! How he lied.
They were to be married but somehow she died.
He went to her funeral but just for the ride.
He went to her grave site and laughed ‘til he cried.
The grave stone fell over and squish-squash he died.
She went up to heaven and flittered and flied.
He went down below and sizzled and fried.
The moral of this song is: never tell lies.
Pass the Shoe
You must pass the shoe from me to you, to you,
You must pass the shoe, and do just like I do.
For this song game you can substitute a cup, rock, or any suitable object for a person’s actual shoe. Form an ring; as you sing, give the “shoe” you currently have to the person on your right whenever you get to an underlined word. Note that only the second “do” is underlined; on the first “do”, you simply wave the “shoe”, you don’t give it up just yet.
Peanut Butter and Jelly
First ya find the peanuts and ya dig ‘em;
Ya dig ‘em, ya dig ‘em, dig ‘em, dig ‘em.
Then you take the peanuts and ya smash ‘em, . . . .
Then you take the butter and ya spread it, . . . .
Chorus
Peanut, peanut butter; jelly! [Repeat.]
Then you find the grapes and ya pick ‘em, . . . .
Then you take the grapes and ya smash ‘em, . . . .
Then you take the jelly and ya spread it, . . . .
Then you take the bread and ya fold it, . . . .
Then you take the sandwich and ya munch it, . . . .
The last time through the chorus, after eating the sandwich, mumble the words terribly as though there is peanut butter stuck to the roof of the mouth.
Pink Pyjamas
(Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic)
I wear my pink pyjamas in the summer when it’s hot.
I wear my flannel nighties in the winter when it’s not.
And sometimes in the springtime and sometimes in the fall,
I jump right in between the sheets with nothing on at all.
Glory, glory, Hallelujah;
Glory, glory, what’s it to ya?
Balmy breezes blowing through ya,
With nothing on at all.
Sarah the Whale
(Tune: Dixie)
In Frisco town there lived a whale
They fed her peanuts by the pail,
And washtubs and bathtubs
And sailboats and schooners.
Her name is Sarah and she’s a peach,
But don’t put food within her reach
Or babies, or nursemaids
Or chocolate ice cream sodas.
She loves to smile and when she smiles
You can see her teeth for miles and miles,
And her tonsils and her spare ribs
And things too fierce to mention.
Now what can you do in a case like that,
There’s nothing to do but sit on your hat,
Or your toothbrush, or your best friend,
Or anything else that’s helpless.
Sipping Cider Through A Straw
The prettiest girl [Echo.], I ever saw, [Echo.]
Was sipping cider through a straw.
[Repeat previous two lines.]
I asked her if, [Echo.] she’d show me how, [Echo.]
To sip that cider through a straw.
[Repeat previous two lines.]
Then cheek to cheek, and jaw to jaw,
We sipped that cider through a straw.
Every now and then, the straw would slip,
I’d sip some cider from her lip.
The parson came to her backyard,
A sipping cider from a straw.
And now I have a mother-in-law,
And fourteen kids to call me Pa.
The moral of this little tale,
Is sip your cider from a pail!
Feminine variation: Substitute “The cutest boy” for “The prettiest girl,” “him” for “her,” “he” for “she,” and “Ma” for “Pa.”
Sweet Violets
Chorus
Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses,
Covered all over from head to toe,
Covered all over with sweet violets.
There once was a farmer who took a young miss
In back of the barn where he gave her a
Lecture on horses and chickens and eggs,
And told her that she had such beautiful
Manners that suited a girl of her charms,
A girl that he wanted to take in his
Washing and ironing and then, if she did,
They could get married and raise lots of . . . (CHORUS)
The girl told the farmer that he’d better stop
And she called her father and he called a
Taxi and got there before very long,
‘Cause someone was doing his little girl
Right for a change and so that’s why he said,
“If you marry her, son, you’re better off
Single ‘cause it’s always been my belief,
Marriage will bring a man nothing but . . . (CHORUS)
The farmer decided he’d wed any way,
And started in planning for his wedding
Suit, which he purchased for only one buck,
But then he found out he was just out of
Money and so he got left in the lurch,
Standing and waiting in front of the
End of this story which just goes to show,
All a girl wants from a man is his . . . (CHORUS)
. . . Scout Camp
. . Scout Camp, . . . Scout Camp
The busses that you ride in, they say are mighty fine,
But when they turn a corner, they leave the wheels behind.
Chorus
Oh, I don’t want to go to . . . Scout Camp.
Gee, Mom, I want to go, but they won’t let me go;
Gee, Mom, I want to go home.
The leaders that they have here, they say are mighty fine,
But when you get up closer, they look like frankenstein.
The first aid that they give you, they say is mighty fine,
But if you cut your finger, you’re left with only nine.
The water that they have here they say is mighty fine,
But when you try to drink it, it tastes like turpentine.
The biscuits that they serve you, they say are mighty fine,
But one rolled off the table and killed a friend of mine
The spaghetti that they serve you, they say is mighty fine
They rinse it the toilet and drain it on the line/
The cocoa that they serve you, they say is mighty fine
It’s good for cuts and bruises and tastes like iodine.
The tents/cabins that you sleep in, they say are mighty fine,
But whoever said this has never slept in mine.
The toilets that they have here are the best that they can get,
Last night my tent mate had to go, they haven’t found him yet.
The Chigger
(Tune: Polly Wolly Doodle)
Oh, there was a little chigger
And he wasn’t much bigger
Than the head of a tiny pin.
But the bump he raises
Just itches like the blazes,
And that’s where the scratch comes in.
But the bump he raises
Just itches like the blazes,
And that’s where the scratch comes in.
The Great Meat Pie
The great meat pie was a tidy size,
And it took a week to make it,
A day to carry it to the shop,
And just a week to bake it.
And if you’d seen it,
I’ll be bound,
Your wonder you’d scarce govern.
They were forced to break the front wall down
to get it in the oven.
It too full thirty sacks of flour,
It’s a fact now that I utter,
Three hundred pails of water, too,
And a hundred tubs of butter.
The crust was nearly seven feet thick,
You couldn’t easily bruise it,
And the rolling pin was such a size
It took ten men to use it.
There were twenty-five spareribs of pork,
I’m sure I’m not mistaken,
With two and thirty hams for York,
And twenty sides of bacon.
The pie was made by fifty cooks,
And all of them first raters,
And then they filled up all the nooks
with a ton of kidney ‘taters.
There Was An Old Woman
Verse 1
There was an old woman
Who swallowed a fly.
I don’t know why
she swallowed that fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.
Verse 2
There was an old woman
Who swallowed a spider,
Who wriggled and jiggled and tickled
Inside her.
She swallowed the spider
to catch the fly.
I don’t know why
she swallowed that fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.
Verse 3
There was an old woman
Who swallowed a bird.
How absurd! to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird
To catch the spider
Who wriggled and jiggled and tickled
Inside her. She swallowed the spider
to catch the fly.
I don’t know why
she swallowed that fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.
Verse 4
There was an old woman who swallowed a cat.
Imagine that! to swallow a cat.
She swallowed the cat To catch the bird.
She swallowed the bird
To catch the spider
Who wriggled and jiggled and tickled
Inside her.
She swallowed the spider
to catch the fly.
I don’t know why
she swallowed that fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.
5. dog...What a hog!
6. goat...Just opened her throat
7. cow...I don’t know how
8. horse...She’s dead of course(that ends the song)
Three Little Angels
Three little angels
All dressed in white
Tried to get to Heaven
On the end of a kite.
But the kite broke and
Down they all fell.
Instead of going to Heaven
They all went to...
Two little angels...
One little angel...
Three little devils
All dressed in red
Tried to get to Heaven
On the end of a thread.
But the thread broke and
Down they all fell.
Instead of going to Heaven
They all went to...
Two little devils...
One little devil...
Three little Martians
All dressed in green
Tried to get to Heaven
On the end of a string.
But the string broke and
Down they all fell.
Instead of going to Heaven
They went to...
Two little Martians...
One little Martian...
Three little babies
All dressed in blue
Tried to get to Heaven
On the end of a shoe.
But the shoe broke and
Down they all fell.
Instead of going to Heaven
They all went to...
Two little babies...
One little baby...
Don’t get excited,
Don’t lose your head.
Instead of going to Heaven
They all went to bed.
The Rooster
We had some hens, no eggs would they lay,
We had some hens, no eggs would they lay.
My spouse said, “Honey, this isn’t funny.
We’re loosing money.” No eggs would they lay.
One day a rooster came into our yard,
He caught those hens right off of their guard.
They’re laying eggs now, just like they use ta,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.
They’re laying eggs now, just like they use ta,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.
We had a cow, no milk would she give, [Repeat.]
My spouse said, “Honey, this isn’t funny.
We’re loosing money.” No milk would she give.
One that rooster came into our yard,
He caught the cow right off of her guard.
She giving eggnog, that’s more than she use ta,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.
She giving eggnog, that’s more than she use ta,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.
We had a field, no crops would it grow . . . . We’re raising eggplant . . . .
We had a dog, no pups did she have . . . . She’s delivering pooched eggs . . . .
Me and my wife, no kids did we have . . . . We’re raising egg heads . . . .
We had a gum machine, no gum would it give . . . . We’re getting chiclets . . . .
We had a garden, no flowers would it grow . . . . We’re growing chickweed . . . .
We had some fish, but they wouldn’t grow . . . . We’re raising tuna, it’s the chicken of the sea . . . .
We had a car, but it wouldn’t run . . . . We have a yolkswagen . . .
We had a comedian, no laughs could he get . . . . He’s telling yokes now . . . .
We had a army, no battles did we win . . . . We’re getting shelled now . . . .
We had a cannon, but it wouldn’t fire . . . . We have no rooster . . . .
The Tree Toad
(Tune: Auld Lang Syne)
A tree toad loved a fair she toad
That lived up in a tree;
She was a fair three-toed tree toad
But a two-toed toad was he.
The two-toed tree toad tried to win
The she toad’s friendly nod;
For the two-toed tree toad loved the ground
That the three-toed tree toad trod.
Now three-toed tree toads have no care
For two-toed tree toad love,
But the two-toed tree toad fain would share
A tree home up above.
In vain the two-toed tree toad tried;
He couldn’t please her whim.
In her tree toad bower with veto power,
The she toad vetoed him !
Tom The Toad
(Tune: Oh, Christmas Tree)
Oh Tom the Toad, Oh Tom the Toad
Why did you jump into the road?
Oh Tom the Toad, Oh Tom the Toad
Why did you jump into the road?
You were so big and green and fat
But now you’re small and red and flat.
Oh Tom the Toad, Oh Tom the Toad
Why did you jump into the road?
Oh Tom the Toad, Oh Tom the Toad
Why are you lying in the road?
Oh Tom the Toad, Oh Tom the Toad
Why are you lying in the road?
You did not see that car ahead
And you were flattened by the tread.
Oh Tom the Toad, Oh Tom the Toad
Why are you lying in the road?
Oh Sue the Skunk, Oh Sue the Skunk
Why do you make my tires go thunk?
Oh Sue the Skunk, Oh Sue the Skunk
Why do you make my tires go thunk?
You did not look from East to West
Now on the road there’s such a mess.
Oh Sue the Skunk, Oh Sue the Skunk
Why do you make my tires go thunk?
Oh Sam the Snake, Oh Sam the Snake
Why do you lie out there and bake?
Oh Sam the Snake, Oh Sam the Snake
Why do you lie out there and bake?
You did not see that truck go by
Now you look like a butterfly.
Oh Sam the Snake, Oh Sam the Snake
Why do you lie out there and bake?
A ten-ton truck ran up your snout!
Oh Froggie Fred, Oh Froggie Fred,
Why do you lie there stone-cold dead?
Oh Swallow Sam, Oh Swallow Sam,
What turned your body into jam?
Oh Swallow Sam, Oh Swallow Sam,
What turned your body into jam?
In the air you’d quickly speed,
An eighteen-wheeler made you bleed.
Oh Swallow Sam, Oh Swallow Sam,
What turned your body into jam?
Arm’dillo Tex, Arm’dillo Tex,
Why are you looking so perplexed?
Arm’dillo Tex, Arm’dillo Tex,
Why are you looking so perplexed?
Across the yellow line you strayed,
The truck hit you - like a grenade!
Arm’dillo Tex, Arm’dillo Tex,
Why are you looking so perplexed?
Oh Froggie Fred, Oh Froggie Fred,
Why do you lie there stone-cold dead?
Oh Froggie Fred, Oh Froggie Fred,
Why do you lie there stone-cold dead?
You didn’t look as you jumped out,
Oh Doggie Spot, Oh Doggie Spot,
Upon the road you’re such a blot.
Oh Doggie Spot, Oh Doggie Spot,
Upon the road you’re such a blot.
Out in the lane you boldly went,
Now your bod’s not worth a cent!
Oh Doggie Spot, Oh Doggie Spot,
Upon the road you ‘re such a blot.
Oh Bunny Ben, Oh Bunny Ben,
Why is your body flat and thin?
Oh Bunny Ben, Oh Bunny Ben,
Why is your body flat and thin?
Out on the road you quickly jumped,
You didn’t count on getting bumped.
Oh Bunny Ben, Oh Bunny Ben,
Why is your body flat and thin?
Oh Billy Bat, Oh Billy Bat,
Why are you lying still like that?
Oh Billy Bat, Oh Billy Bat,
Why are you lying still like that?
Along the road you swooped and flapped,
But a trucker’s windshield got you zapped!
Oh Billy Bat, Oh Billy Bat,
Why are you lying still like that?
Oh Turtle Ted, Oh turtle Ted,
Your shell’s all broken - so’s your head.
Oh Turtle Ted, Oh turtle Ted,
Your shell’s all broken - so’s your head.
In the road you thought you’d travel,
Now you’re ground into the gravel.
Oh Turtle Ted, Oh turtle Ted,
Your shell’s all broken - so’s your head.
Oh Possum Pete, Oh Possum Pete
There’s nothing left but hair and feet
Oh Possum Pete, Oh Possum Pete
There’s nothing left but hair and feet
Oh Possum Pete, Oh Possum Pete
There’s nothing left but hair and feet
You thought you’d beat that bus across
Now you look like a pile of moss.
Tom the Toad (and friends)
[Tune: O, Tannenbaum]
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why are you lying in the road? [Repeat]
You did not see the truck ahead, and now your looking oh so dead.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, so sad you’re lying in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road? [Repeat]
You were so big and green and fat, but now you’re small and red and flat.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road? [Repeat]
You were alive but now you’re dead, your face looks like a tire tread.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why did you jump out in the road?
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, why are you lying in the road? [Repeat]
You used to hop and jump about, and now your guts are spilling out.
Oh, Tom the toad, oh Tom the toad, so sad you’re lying in the road?
Oh, Jake the snake, oh Jake the snake, why are you belly-up in the lake? [Repeat]
You did not see that motor boat, propeller got you by the throat.
Oh, Jake the snake, oh Jake the snake, so sad you swam out in the lake?
Oh, Mat the cat, oh Mat the cat, why is your tail so crooked like that? [Repeat]
You caught it in the vacuum machine [Eyoww!], and now your acting awfully mean.
Oh, Mat the cat, oh Mat the cat, that’s why your tail is crooked like that.
Two Little Fleas
(Tune: Auld Lang Syne)
Two little fleas together sat
They cried when one flea said;
“I’ve had no place to lay my head,
Since my old dog is dead.
I’ve travelled far from place to place
And farther will I roam.
But the next old dog that shows his face
Will be my home sweet home.”
With My Hand on Myself
With my hand on myself, vas is das here? [Touch top of head.]
Das is mine topnotcher, ya mama dear.
Topnotcher, topnotcher, ya mama dear.
Dot’s vot I learned in der school, boom-boom.
To continue, substitute a word from the following list for
“topnotcher” and add to the list each time you sing. Recite
in reverse as with the Menu Song.
Sweat brower
Eye winker
Horn blower
Soup strainer
Lunch eater
Chin chowser
Rubbernecker
Chest protector
Breadbasket
Foot stomper
